This week has been super tough. It’s been 14 months in the making but hasn’t made it any easier. Big changes for Nell and Mumma – I went back to work and Nell officially started family day care. I had thoughts on how it would pan out but in reality I was fumbling for a torch during a blackout – anxious, panicky and wanting it to be over quickly.
After a couple of near ‘perfect’ (quote from the carer) trial days I was confident that the little pocket rocket would settle right in. She had grizzled a little when I left but ran away laughing when I came for pick up – she was having a blast – yipee no more boring Mumma!
But slap on some make up, don a dress/heels and she knows something’s up. Mumma is going somewhere without me, where she will have adult conversations and go to the toilet on her own (I almost forgot to close the door on the cubicle…). So the morning drop offs were pretty rough – loads of clinginess and tears. This was exactly what I was dreading. I stayed until she was happy….eating of course. And then glued my phone to my ear. Using super glue of course.
On arrival at work I felt so strange. I’m talking like a 6 year old starting grade one strange. It was like I left half of my personality, my brain, my being, my reason for living at day care. I spent the day checking my phone every 45 seconds, talked about her non stop to anyone that would listen and honestly (sorry for any work peeps reading this) not caring an ounce about work. It’s the honest truth and I’m sure I’m not alone in this feeling. I made it hour by hour hoping no one would notice my many internal panic attacks of hysteria and pangs of Nellness (illness caused by no Nell being round).
So many Mums have told me about the rush of excitement when they go for pick up. I can tell you I was racing (like I used to in the 100m dash at primary school) through the pouring rain, blisters on both heels, up a mighty steep hill to open that gate. All I wanted was those miniature arms wrapped around my neck and that lollipop head resting on my shoulder. And boy was she happy to see me.
After only a week of this mayhem, I do know one thing. I’m savouring every minute of every day with my little bug. Every laugh, every poo (okay a bit drastic I know), every cry, every hug and every open mouth sloppy kiss I get from her.
Cause life is all about Nell.