I’ve been preparing myself for this for a few weeks and felt like I’ve been Mrs Calm and Collected in the lead up. But yesterday evening her and I were playing on the kitchen floor, chasing each other – the usual giggling Gerties. She wander off and I said cuddles and she raced over to me and gave me the tightest cuddle ever and then looked up to me and smacked a big old kiss on my lips. I completely crumbled in a flood of tears – the reality of the big day had hit – after 14 months of living and breathing her – she was leaving me for the day.
Morning broke and we collected our things and set off. During the car ride I explained what she would be doing and how much fun should would have (without me of course :(. She just smiled and continued to bounce along to Gotye – Somebody That I Used to Know (me – I’m your Mumma don’t you forget it!). I almost broke down again but wanted to hold it together for the carer not to see my eyes bloodshot and red (like she hadn’t seen it before – cue – breathe in, breathe out).
We arrived and placed all the belongings in the usual spots and headed straight to the play room. Her little friend from Mother’s Group was there so an instant playmate. She hung on for dear life but after 15-20 mins slowly crept down to play with the toys (A-mazing by the way – like an old school toy library – endless amounts of fun). I left the room for a milli-second and she didn’t freak out (hurrah). The little ones sat down for morning tea and she was cool as a cumber – as of course it involved food – her favourite pastime. So I made my break – kissed her goodbye and said I loved her. She didn’t shed a tear – major hurdle overcome for Mumma.
And there it was before me – an entire day to do ‘stuff’. But I had nothing to do. I was without my little mate, my side kick, my best friend, my bubba. I was lost. So I rang about 30 people – majority didn’t answer as it was the middle of the day. Visited my brother-in-law, my friend, cooked dinner at 1pm and went for a run in the hot day sun – very random!
The carer rang and said to come pick her up at 3pm – she had been fine all day but cried around her nap – sounded like a semi successful day – total surprise! I entered expected her to bound up to me with puppy dog excitement but when I arrived….she looked at me and smiled and ran off laughing…the usual cheeky monkey that is Nell!
So it wasn’t all bad – she survived and I barely survived. I know it could have been a lot, A LOT worse. I’m feeling confident going in to tomorrow (even as bold to book a long overdue hair appointment). I’m slightly hesitant about going back to work next week (how on earth to people focus in meetings without breaking out into Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for god’s sake??!) but feel comfortable that she’s in a loving, caring environment with the carer.
So another day of breathing in and breathing out – she will be okay. I will be okay.